Locked In

I look for her in every corner. I race my heartbeat. I can’t see clearly. I run out of breath but I can’t stop. I am nothing without her. I am alive, but I am nothing. I always lose her. I take her for granted. I forget to care for her. Sometimes, I just don’t want to. I stop. I won’t find her. She doesn’t need me. I need her. I fall on knees. I cry out for her. I scream an apology. I beg. The burden on my soul becomes heavier by the day. I can feel the darkness, the cold around me. I close my eyes, I stop crying. Breathing is lame. That’s not all I want. I will find her. She doesn’t trust me. Do I trust myself? I have to commit. I can’t do this to myself. I can’t do this to her. I open my eyes. She is not lost. She’s walking away from me. Why would she turn towards my selfish being. I need her but I don’t adorn her. I am letting a part of me get away. What do I do?

I need to be true. There is only one truth we love. I have to do my part. She will come to me. I have to prove myself worthy of her love, of the life she infuses into my soul. She will stay with me for as long as I live. I won’t lose her. I won’t have to look for her. I commit to worship her. I don’t just want to adorn her.

I close my eyes. I tell her who she is to me. I thank her. I’m sorry. But I don’t call her. I bow to feel her element closest to me. She is free and I want to be locked in within her. I go where she takes me. She is not selfish, not lost. She is love, peace, loyal. She is Faith.